I remember sleeping in until the sun had already been up for hours. I remember getting out of bed while still feeling utterly exhausted even though the day had only just started. I remember not taking a look in the mirror for days and when I finally did — I didn’t recognize my reflection because it was being overshadowed by a gaping void. A void that kept asking me to fill it with anything that I could think of at that moment. But it was never enough to fill the emptiness and to keep it satisfied. On the contrary, the void became hungrier with each attempt to saturate it.
And slowly but surely, my reflection faded as the void continued to consume me.
Doing the most basic tasks felt unbearable and almost impossible. Like taking a shower and getting dressed just to go out and do some errands. It felt pointless because I knew I had to do it every single day. Then one night, I heard a cat crying out in the rain. Raindrops ticking rapidly on my window, like an upbeat melody. It continued to pour as he cried and cried. It sounded desperate for no one heard him. He was wallowing in self-pity. A crying cat in the rain. Aren’t we all like him at some point?
Aren’t we all, at some point, stuck and desperately want to seek shelter to protect ourselves from feeling that way?
Maybe that’s it. Maybe in order to get rid of that feeling I need to let go of that shelter I have been hiding under all along, for I should not expect to get a different result when I keep repeating the same thing. It’s a risk worth taking. No more hiding, but putting one foot before the other instead.
This gaping void in me may act like a glutton, but I’m still its provider. The reason why it seemed to be never satisfied is that I have been feeding it unnutritious thoughts; it’s filled with toxins and dangerous amounts of cortisol. No wonder I felt like a crying cat in the rain; hopeless, desperate and full of stress. The danger is at last in me.
So let’s go out for a bit. Let’s get out of the comfy shelter and create new memories to fill up the void.
Let’s put one foot before the other.
Let the tears dry up under the glittering sun and heal our hearts.
🤍✨